Learning to connect with your partner physically, emotionally, and spiritually

Dr. Amy Bader, ND
@AmyBaderND

Shh… Ladies. This month we will discuss a topic that makes many of my female patients lower their voices: S. E. X. (Dramatic pause…) Physical intimacy is part of a healthy and balanced life, but many women are plagued by low libido. I have been asked countless times, “Can you fix this so my husband will be happy?” My typical reply is “Should we fix this so YOU will be happier?” (That answer is often met with a giggle, grin and a “Yes!”) The truth is sex drive is a complicated business for women. Heavily influenced by both chemistry and emotions, it is common for libido to dip a little with the stress of daily life. BUT, this doesn’t mean intimacy can’t be satisfying. Let’s explore some things you can consider to heighten your level of desire.

Assignment #1

Check in with your emotions. In his book The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains why women should think about sex with their hearts. He says, and most of us know this to be true, sexual desire is heavily influenced by a woman’s emotions. We typically need to feel emotionally connected to our partner in order to fuel the desire for physical intimacy. So, if your libido is getting lost in translation, check out Dr. Chapman’s site where you and your partner can reconnect and learn to speak the language of love. Oui, oui.

Assignment #2

Check in with your doctor. There may be physiological reasons you are not achieving the level of desire or satisfaction you want. Perhaps your hormones are not optimal, or your neurotransmitters are not quite right. A naturopathic doctor can help you to evaluate these and fix the glitches. In addition, low libido or problems climaxing may be side effects of medications. (Boo!) Check with your doctor or pharmacist to see if this may be the case for any medications you are taking. Your naturopathic doctor can also assess the appropriateness of some of the latest and greatest herbs for libido. Maca, Tribulus, and Daminia are some of the herbs shown to boost sex drive. As with any medicine, your doctor should help you decide what is the right fit for you. Aaaaand, if it hurts to have sex, PaaaLEASE talk to your doctor about your vajajay. It should NOT hurt to be intimate, and there are hormonal and non-hormonal medicines to rejuvenate, lubricate, and just plain nurture your girly bits.

Assignment #3

Get moving. Studies show people who exercise on a regular basis have more sexual desire. Make a plan to your body everyday. The movement doesn’t have to be aggressive (no need to run a marathon!), so set a goal to move in a way that feels good and leaves you feeling invigorated. Consistency is important, so find exercise you enjoy. Mix it up and have fun!

There you have it… a few things to think about when it comes to increasing your mojo. I encourage you to talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing. Libido issues can be complicated, but naturopathic physicians are skilled at solving these sorts of mysteries. And, if none of this has motivated you to connect with your partner, see your doctor, and move your body, then listen to this: Studies have shown people who have sex regularly look TEN YEARS YOUNGER on average. (That’s all you needed to say! Ha!)

Until next time, take care of your (whole) self—

Dr. Bader


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Amy Bader ND is a doctor, teacher, speaker, writer and entrepreneur. She is a graduate of the National College of Natural Medicine, where she is now an adjunct clinical faculty member training naturopathic medical students. She has private practices in Northern California and Portland, Oregon, where she lives with her beautiful daughter. She has a passion for treating patients with chronic diseases using clinical nutrition, botanical medicine, biotherapeutic drainage, and homeopathy. She has a particular interest in working with patients who want to lose weight and feel comfortable in their bodies.

Dr. Bader has been interviewed as an expert in natural medicine and natural healthcare for radio, newspapers, magazines and television. She has been a contributing expert columnist for a large online health resource website. Dr. Bader was a founding co-director of NCNM’s Integrative Skin Care Clinic. She is a member of the Advisory Counsel for Kamedis, a bio-herbal skin care company, and is a trainer for Radiancy, maker of LHE phototherapy systems.

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